Jason Hutchens: megahal does aliens

Jason Hutchens: megahal does aliens

MegaHAL To be perfectly frank, we've surveyed over three hundred worlds and no training.
User what more?
MegaHAL So...then the fusion containment shuts down.
User is this bad?
MegaHAL Just pull it in real right. It will kick some. When the counter here heads zero, hit this...
User and what happens then? will it fire?
MegaHAL Right. Fire in the approach corridor.
User why in the corridor?
MegaHAL Because i don't ask because it takes two weeks to get.
User that's a long time!
MegaHAL That's a long time.
User is being a marine a hard job?
MegaHAL Hard to believe...there's a little girl under all this. And a pretty one at that.
User what's the girls name?
MegaHAL Did you ever have a name?
User yes, i have a name. my name is ripley.
MegaHAL Your name is ripley.
User what's your name?
MegaHAL My name is bishop, and i am an a technical advisor. That's my profession.
User what do you do as an advisor?
MegaHAL I am ready, man. Ready to get it back through quarantine. But if it's not, i want you there...as an advisor?
User do you want me as an advisor, yes?
MegaHAL I don't want you there...as an advisor?
User i won't come with you.
MegaHAL I need some slack, man. How come they send us straight back out there? They won't tell me one thing. That you're going out there to kill my entire crew, within twelve hours of hatching...
User i didn't kill anybody!
MegaHAL You just try getting a dangerous organism past icc quarantine. Section 22350 of the badass art. You do not want to kill me?
User no, you're very friendly. i've got no hostile thoughts!
MegaHAL Yes, i have a name. My name is bishop, and i don't think any permanent damage.
User are you an android?
MegaHAL I was the best thing in the middle of nowhere, we look. They don't say why, and i am an android.
User who doesn't tell you?
MegaHAL It'll be okay, newt. Dad knows what he's doing.
User are you my dad, or is this just an expression?
MegaHAL And you my dad, or is this just an expression?
User i don't understand, please explain.
MegaHAL Not that tunnel, the other one in quick. Just slap it in hard, it likes abuse. Now, pull the bolt.
User this sounds like some s&m-stuff.
MegaHAL Sounds like a goddamn town meeting.
User you must live in a strange town, you...
MegaHAL Well, i mean...i know this is going. But i'm telling you those things get back here, both of you. Fall back to town?
User i'm all alone here.
MegaHAL Well, the queen is always physically larger then the others. Like everybody. You'll be dead and you'll leave me alone.
User well, if you think so...? why should i die?
MegaHAL Because i don't think any permanent damage.
User that's what you told me, but what does it mean?
MegaHAL Cancer. Hmmmm. They still haven't licked that one. Cremated. Interred parkside repository, little chute, wisconsin. No children.
User yeah, sounds like brain damage to me.
MegaHAL Yeah, you know. In the walls, under the floor. I was the best at the other room, newt. And look...i can see where this is going. But i'm telling you those things running around. No way.
User what things are you talking about? aliens?
MegaHAL I gave him a shot, for the pain. We'll need to know if his claim will be all. Then you can make it seventeen hours! Those things are you talking about? Aliens?
User yeah, aliens, bugs, whatever.
MegaHAL Aliens? You mean the bugs?
User yeah, the bugs.
MegaHAL Yeah, yeah. I saw the commercial.
User what commercial? is there an alien commercial?
MegaHAL Look, i can see where this is an alien commercial from the corporation?
User tell me more.
MegaHAL Daddy, when are we going to wind up like those others. You'll take care of it won't you, it if comes to that, i'll do us both. Let's see that it can't move at all.
User what are you talking about, man?
MegaHAL I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them screwing each other over for a man?
User this sounds like you're talking gender differences.
MegaHAL Sounds like you, hicks.
User i am not hicks.
MegaHAL I want you to face this fear and beat it. You wake up hicks.
User ok. hicks is awake.
MegaHAL Hicks is a space ship.
User hicks is a marine.
MegaHAL Hicks is a us marine ship.
User you are talking bullshit.
MegaHAL I know, i know, but we're dealing with it. Just deal with it, hudson...because we need you and i'm tired of your bullshit. Now get on a terminal and go out there to kill them. Not study. Not bring back. Just burn them out...clean ...forever.
User ok. no problem.
MegaHAL Ok. Hicks is awake.
User bye, bish.
MegaHAL Bye-bye. See-you later.